Today I talked to a Mother who found me by googling autism services in Davison Michigan. It was hard to talk to her. She wanted to know what services were available to her 9 year old daughter who has autism. They just moved to the area and she wasn’t familiar with what our county had to offer. It was really hard to be positive. In a way,  wish i wouldn’t have answered. She was an intelligent woman and she seemed less stressed after i talked to her. I guess that’s good. I have talked to many families, I have given a book or twoon advice, I have cheered moms, dads, cousins, siblings, grandparents, etc of children on the spectrum up. I have a good friend who teases me because I’m “that girl”, the one who builds em up, whether its self esteem or encouragement needed, I’m the “build you up buttercup” girl. lol I get on my own nerves at times, but I cant help it. I’m THAT girl. I enjoy making people happy. Too bad I can’t build me you up buttercup myself. 

 I have been extremely busy with my life. My home of 12 years is being remodeled and getting ready to go up for sale. It makes me sad. I’m not sure where I’m going. Probably towards Lansing. I hate Swarts creek but that’s the direction of the home that I want P to go into. Today I had to deal with someone that really disturbed me and hurt me emotionally. They didn’t mean to, there intent was to say they understood, but they don’t. Talking about P, I am EXTREMELY sensitive. I miss him more than I ever thought I would. I’m worried constantly. Anyways this person brought up lobotomy. Yep. The “L” word. The thought of it is so inhumane. I can’t imagine that happening. He brought up, abuse, rape, and all kinds of mistreatment of children and adults with special needs. I cried and he just kept talking. It hurt. As if I don’t think of this everyday. The thoughts of these things ring in my ear nonstop like my “reality voice”, my voice of “reason”, she constantly annoys the shit out of me. “Lisa WHO could send their child away”, ” Lisa who in their right mind would send a child to be in the hands of Catholic priests”, “Lisa he could be harmed and can’t tell you, raped, mistreated, abused, emotionally traumatized, etc”. I want to slap her sometimes, thsi so called voice of reason, then I have the other voice who says to me, “You CANT do this any longer, he will kill you, or worse you kill him or each other”, ” you deserve to be happy”, “you deserve to be safe”, “You have suffered long enough” “you gave it your all”. That voice annoys me too. However, even more annoying than those two voices combined is the voice of a stranger who doesn’t have a clue. So unless you were widowed at the age of 25, left to deal with a  child who smears shit, eats non food items, abuses you daily, destroys your home and any other property they wish, and cannot talk whom you love more than life itself; PLEASE do me a favor. Do not say you understand, and do not tell me about the gloom and doom and russian roulette I am “playing” by choosing to place my child into a residential facility fo rthe handicapped, please. I have enough voices and opinions. Unless you have something positive to say, do not say anything, didn’t your perfect mother teach you that? 

I went to Social Security today too. That’s where the day changed. The woman helping me, understood my situation. She knew what ABA was, she knew about Great Lakes, She knew about my friend Kelli. I told her how Kelli is the only person that understood my life. She said something that made me relax and pack away my “gone postal revolver”…;) (Im kidding.. Im kidding Im kidding) She said to me, “I don’t understand, but I have children, I’m a mom and they are your babies, and i’m sorry, I can’t imagine”. She had tears in her eyes and it was all she could do to not cry. I said thank you. That simple…. that simple act of kindness and her being sympathetic versus judgmental, THAT’S what you do to help a parent of a special needs child. I left in a great mood. I loved that she knew what aba was. I have Kelli Stapleton to thank once again. Thsi stranger must have googled aba therapy, they looked up the center for autism, she read the People magazine article. She read and she didn’t judge. She sympathized. Thank you lady at the SS office. 🙂 

On another note I defended Kelli yet again today, and I will until i am no longer on this universe. People, you just don’t understand. That’s okay, but don’t throw stones and/or judgement either. Not in your job title. 

So I’m busy building up buttercup, I’m busy trying to make things right for P, I’m in the middle of a remodel, half living with friends, whats left of my home, and in a campground ( thanks to a VERY generous friend) 🙂 I’m taking baby steps still and I’m treading lightly. One little set back brings tears to my eyes and makes me go into a rage. So please, have patience….I’m trying…

On a final note, I want to thank my friends and family that are working their asses off helping me to get my life together. They are literally working themselves into the ground in every way to help us. I appreciate it so much. Words cannot convey my gratitude for everything over the past 6 months and longer.. the fundraiser, the help, my friends, my family… God. The prayers….thank you. Keep em coming….we aren’t out of the woods and in phase 1 of our next war. Love you all…. 🙂

Lisa and Preston

(sorry no time to correct typo’s.. I’m at a restaurant taking up a booth at dinner time…gotta go!) 

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11 comments on “

  1. Margaret Cross says:

    I so admire your strength and wisdom to know what is best for you , even when those decisions are so painful . Love you , Margaret

  2. jean adamski says:

    As a nurse practitioner who has worked in peds I think your are doing a courageous thing. At some point you need to have a life. There will never be easy answers in this life. Blessings to you, go get it!

  3. Kyleharrison@aol.com says:

    Thought of you when I saw this. I hope that it doesn’t offend you, that is not my intention at all.

    http://imgur.com/JmGxYpR

    • lisasain says:

      Thank you. I’m sure I will keep these links & retread them several times over. 🙂 I do need to state that I’m not trying to say this will happen to my son. I’m only trying to express my fear of abuse in any form, by any person. It does happen. However, my faith is strong & I pray to God and I remind him (as if he needs the reminder), that my son is his gift. We are all Gods children and Preston is his first, mine second. I’m doing the best I can & some things are out if my hands & that is where I’m asking God to watch him, the other children & to keep them safe from harm. Thank you so much! God bless you for helping to ease my worries!!! 🙂

  4. Jennifer says:

    Lisa I just want to tell you that I think you are an amazing woman!! My cousin sent me the link to your blog & I’ve read all of them today. I have cried numerous times as I read what you and P have been through. I have a special needs child also. He does not have autism. He has been diagnosed bipolar, ADHD, intermittent explosive disorder & ODD. I struggle with him daily. He gets very violent & agressive & even homicidal at times. Your blog really hits home for me. I’ve felt lost, beaten, to point of giving up. But one thing keeps me going, my love for my son. People are so judgemental. They think his behaviors are a result of my parenting skills. Thats not the case at all! My son with mental problems is 11. I also have a 19 y.o. daughter & 16 y.o. son that are, for lack of a better word, normal. So I know in my heart that it has nothing to do with my parenting skills. It just takes a different kind of parenting to handle a child with special needs. I love my son to pieces, but there are many days I question God for giving me this special child. Oh and by the way, I too, am a single mother. So I just wanted to tell you, I completely understand some of the feelings you have & your blog has helped me put some things in prespective. So please keep us updated on you & P. Oh and thank you for sharing your story with all of us. It helps to know we’re not alone.

    • lisasain says:

      Thank you Jennifer! You are correct, we aren’t alone!!! It feels like it, but we aren’t! Best of luck to you with your struggles and challenges! Stay strong & stay focused on your goals for him! Mine are simple~~ healthy, happiness, & safety. That’s what we all deserve, as human beings. Right?!?! 🙂 so figure out your goals & don’t let anyone get you down 🙂 thank you for writing!!

  5. Jamie says:

    I found your blog when I was googling other stuff related to autism and was very moved by you. You and your family are in my thoughts. I think you are making the best decision in impossible circumstances. I wish I were fabulously wealthy so I could send you on a two week spa vacay, but just know you’re thought of and not alone.

    • lisasain says:

      Thank you Jamie…..I appreciate the gesture…I dream of winning the lottery and that would help in so many ways….lets buy a ticket this week… you never know.. 🙂 Ill share if i win.. and you do the same… deal? 😉

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