Well supporters of the insain asylum, I do believe they are getting the recipient rights complaints. Or maybe they heard my message loud and clear the other day. Let me start this post by stating VERY CLEARLY that I am completely unclear of our situation. I am confused and frustrated with what is going on and I am not sure if I should even be blogging anymore.
However, I can’t stop. It’s my only outlet. Not only that but have you ever started something and feel compelled to finish. To me this is a story that I’ve sucked everyone into and I wont stop until I can write the end, good or not. Its life. Its our life. Its truth. Its all I have.
So Yesterday we go for our normal med review, it goes well. The one thing I can say right now is that his new medication is working. For now… I am pretty pleased with that. However, our “normal” is not good. Even on a good day, we struggle. I am tired. I’m at the end of my rope. I can not keep up on anything in our life. Laundry, cleaning, etc. It’s a nonstop affair. I know I know… it is for everyone. But you don’t understand. I mean I am CONSTANTLY washing bedding and soiled clothes. Rarely have all of the chores been done. I don’t have the extra help to mow the yard. Make dinner lunch etc. Its tough and I am quite frankly, sick of it. Emotionally and physically beat down. I have expressed this many times but this last time when I called out of desperation I expressed that sometimes I wished we were dead. Yet sometimes I’m scared because I’m afraid P may kill me or me him. Its that bad.
I suppose “they” listened this time. Maybe its the recipient rights complaints. Either way… I was told that CPS is probably going to be called by someone at the state level. At first i was shocked and laughed. Then I got angry, then I really panicked.
After sitting here all night thinking of the scenario i realized that I don’t care. (yet, of course I do) It will go one way or the other. On one hand this could work out to our benefit, if Preston is taken out of my care even temporary guardianship is gone. Then medicaid pays for treatment. Yay.. winning right? Maybe. But not really. The other side of this is the trauma induced when he gets put into temporary foster care. He wont do well. Whoever has him wont keep him long. I am not guaranteed where he will end up or if he will even get treatment.
****sigh**** maybe this was a sort of threat. Maybe its part of the “game”. Maybe its that serious and I am naive to it all.
I’m not sure. But I am sure of one thing. I don’t trust anyone anymore. I may get media involved. Its time. Now if I can find the time. Ill keep you all posted. Who knows what today will bring. We may get some company.
Carry on carry on.