Trust no one, suspect everyone

Well supporters of the insain asylum, I do believe they are getting the recipient rights complaints. Or maybe they heard my message loud and clear the other day. Let me start this post by stating VERY CLEARLY that I am completely unclear of our situation. I am confused and frustrated with what is going on and I am not sure if I should even be blogging anymore.

However, I can’t stop. It’s my only outlet. Not only that but have you ever started something and feel compelled to finish. To me this is a story that I’ve sucked everyone into and I wont stop until I can write the end, good or not. Its life. Its our life. Its truth. Its all I have.

So Yesterday we go for our normal med review, it goes well. The one thing I can say right now is that his new medication is working. For now… I am pretty pleased with that. However, our “normal” is not good. Even on a good day, we struggle. I am tired. I’m at the end of my rope. I can not keep up on anything in our life. Laundry, cleaning, etc. It’s a nonstop affair. I know I know… it is for everyone. But you don’t understand. I mean I am CONSTANTLY washing bedding and soiled clothes. Rarely have all of the chores been done. I don’t have the extra help to mow the yard. Make dinner lunch etc. Its tough and I am quite frankly, sick of it. Emotionally and physically beat down. I have expressed this many times but this last time when I called out of desperation I expressed that sometimes I wished we were dead. Yet sometimes I’m scared because I’m afraid P may kill me or me him. Its that bad.

I suppose “they” listened this time. Maybe its the recipient rights complaints. Either way… I was told that CPS is probably going to be called by someone at the state level. At first i was shocked and laughed. Then I got angry, then I really panicked.

After sitting here all night thinking of the scenario i realized that I don’t care. (yet, of course I do) It will go one way or the other. On one hand this could work out to our benefit, if Preston is taken out of my care even temporary guardianship is gone. Then medicaid pays for treatment. Yay.. winning right? Maybe. But not really. The other side of this is the trauma induced when he gets put into temporary foster care. He wont do well. Whoever has him wont keep him long. I am not guaranteed where he will end up or if he will even get treatment.

****sigh**** maybe this was a sort of threat. Maybe its part of the “game”. Maybe its that serious and I am naive to it all.

I’m not sure. But I am sure of one thing. I don’t trust anyone anymore. I may get media involved. Its time. Now if I can find the time. Ill keep you all posted. Who knows what today will bring. We may get some company.

Carry on carry on.

17 comments on “Trust no one, suspect everyone

  1. Love and prayers, Lisa. And please keep posting. I promise, it will yield comfort because it leads readers to pray for you. I mailed my letter as soon as I saw the FB post, plus I shared it on my wall. I know for certain that one dear friend from church mailed a letter. Hold on, I believe this will yield good results.

  2. weisst28 says:

    It helps you-dont stop- Ive told you a million times you need to write a book(I know like you have time) but It would be a best seller- If someone did call CPS they dont know you at all and dont know how Preston is your whole world and has been for the past 14yrs(Im even counting when he was in your womb) – I agree with Melonie -this is all part of the plan-I know you feel broken baby-But your just bent- I pray that the Plan will be shown to you soon.. We all Love you and stand behind you NO MATTER WHAT!!! Thats a promise… In my thoughts and Prayers xoxoxo

    • lisasain says:

      We are just bent…not broken.. I like it.. Thank you Tracy and Pink! πŸ˜‰ Together we are all doing this. Together our lives are being impacted in a positive way that I could never convey in words. Thank you for being my rock for many years Tracy, I love you now, always and forever baby! πŸ™‚

  3. marinasleeps says:

    Well we are all here thinking of you and listening to you!

  4. Lori says:

    I think getting the media involved would be great, getting your story out there, heard by so many people. I think you should go for it.

    • lisasain says:

      I never took that to the “nth” degree. My gut told me I shouldn’t. I will see if it pays off or not. Thank you for your advice…There are days I still “threaten”….but obviously I have not done it……. yet! πŸ˜‰

  5. Marianne Zaruba says:

    I would love to smack the person who contacted CPS….for GOD sake you are trying to do what is right for Preston!!!!!! Guess they don’t know you very well. Lisa you are an AMAZING WOMAN who will see the light soon, you may not know it but you are STRONGER & more determined than ever!!!!

    • lisasain says:

      HI Marianne,
      One of prestons long time angels…:) At the time of posting, you are right I didn’t know. i felt defeated and many days still do. Hopefully we are making progress and then ill be blogging about the next phase… God willing. Today, I feel empowered and today i feel good. I keep fighting. I can only pray that one day our story will have a happy ending. πŸ™‚ Isn’t that what we all want in our lives? πŸ™‚ Love you woman! I hope life is treating you and your babies well…:)

  6. Margaret Cross says:

    Sending all the strength I can to help you get through each minute . .

  7. Claire says:

    I had an idea regarding laundry. When my son was regularly throwing up (some weird sickness) and I got sick of middle of the night toddler washing/ bedding washing I learned to layer the bedding so, a waterproof mattress cover then sheet, waterproof cover, sheet that way I could just take off the top layer. Less laundry!

    I hope this helps….even just a little πŸ™‚


    • lisasain says:

      Hi Claire…as we speak i am washing the bedding…He uses “pee pads” (three of them) then a plastic covering, then a mattress pad , then a fitted sheet. I have tried everything. Its awful. Hes big. He weighs over 200 lbs as of yesterday. Its big man pee not little kid pee. I have tried pull ups I have tried it all but thank you! The extra “layers” do help to keep the mattress somewhat dry. πŸ™‚

  8. The Good Witch says:

    I’m staying OUT of the entire bullshit…whatever…but I DO feel for you and the pain you have gone through…once again, I’m Switzerland on this topic…I love Preston and you…please take care…

  9. lisasain says:

    I love you too….Always have always will, I understand and I appreciate everything you have done for us. Thank you….More than you know, thank you.

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