Settle Down, It’ll all be clear….okay Phillip Phillips…:) I will….

So official meeting #2 was yesterday… PHEW….3 hours long! I met two new “high ups” and they seemed to hear me loud and clear. They hear me, but they just keep saying, “we don’t cover residential services”. GRRRRR!!! I cried,I pleaded… I begged. It was sad. It was hard. My two advocates did not show in person nor were they able to be there via teleconference. Talk about annoying. So it was 6 state workers and myself. Lovely. The meeting came with many moments of silence. They know I’m right, its completely a financial thing. I’m going to continue with my crusade. 🙂 This song comes to mind and I dedicate it to the Stapleton family! Especially Kelly Stapleton (The Status Woe, here on word press) ..and all others in the “Hard to Love Club”…

Won’t Back Down… for the Hard to Love Club 🙂

SO that was that. I leave the meeting and I’m so thirsty, I’m emotionally drained. Thank goodness i still have my water bottle from the meeting. I take a swig… mmmm….I could use a “stress nap” as I call it. When you get this stressed a good 10-20 minute nap helps to just “refresh your brain”. But, no. No time for that. I must go get P, because from what I’m told Thursday (today) is the day he is getting admitted into U of M. From what I hear from other parents that have been through similiar scenarios,  its a month long stay. SO my intent is to have fun with Preston. Do whatever he wants and try my best to let him have fun and enjoy himself, spoil him, if you will. So he wants to go the indoor bounce house. OK  Lets go, I’m sure it wont be busy. I call & there are only two small girls there. PERFECT! He does well pretty much the whole time. At one point the small girls do come into the bounce house he is in. Immediately, I step inside the bounce house. I know he can be a danger to himself and others. He does really good. UNTIL they leave.. he doesn’t want them to .. but he can’t talk. He pulls her ponytail before I could stop him as she’s sliding out. I felt so bad. She didn’t cry and her mom was right there. The mom was not happy but understanding. I apologized profusely. From this point on he keeps looking at the girls, pointing, grunting. I know he wants to play with them.. but he can’t. He’s overbearing, scary, and doesn’t know appropriate play. I know I know .. THEN TEACH HIM!!! Guess what… I HAVE TRIED!!!! I NEED HELP.. in order to teach him these things he needs ABA therapy 24/7. Intensive treatment. That is what the Autism center can provide.

SO anyways he is a little frustrated and I know that this can escalate so i try to get him to leave.  I can tell he wants to but doesn’t. I can tell he’s going to flip on me and I’m on eggshells, my heart is racing, I’m praying to God, “please don’t let him meltdown or rage here… PLEASE GOD PLEASE!”!! I almost get him out the door when he notices a photo album. My heart dropped. I took a deep breath. I knew all hell was about to break loose. You see Preston is obsessed with photo albums, ANY kind. He enjoys looking at pictures. Especially those that have fun things in them. This one had party pictures that the place has done. It was a showcase per se,  of their work on display. Preston wanted it and he wanted it bad. Already on the border of a fit, i knew this was going to be awful, I could feel it. Mind you.. I just finished a 3 hour stressful meeting. I didn’t sleep the whole night before. I’m not exactly sure he last time I slept the whole night this week. I take a deep breath and I say, “Preston we can’t take that with us, its not ours”. He grunts he grips the photo album and attempts to get into the car. I’m able to coax him back and I say, “do you want a sucker”? He says yes. I make him give the woman the photo albums and he gets the sucker. That’s when it takes the ugly turn.. he literally flips out screams, falls to the floor. They kind of giggle not knowing how horrible this can get. I tell them. They say ok no worries. Im thinking ummm you’re not listening. P decides to start kicking me and I can tell this is escalating and he is going to rage. He stands up adn I look at the girls and I said watch out. I feel they are pretty safe behind a large counter. I tell them to stay there and not come out. He begins to throw candy. then he knocks over a table then it happened.. he starts hitting me. I back up and he thrusts forward. He got me in the face and has a hold of my hair. I manage to break free and step far away as he starts destroying the property. I dial 911, the operator can barely hear me through his fits of rage. The screams were so loud. As I’m on the phone he broke a ping pong table in half, took a framed picture off the wall and attempts to throw the glass part at me. He manages to break one piece of glass but doesn’t harm anyone. As I’m dodging glass, and candy… I’m trying to remember where the hell I am. They need the address. The girls scramble to get it for me. I tell them to clear the counter because he is going to use anything he can to throw at us. The operator asks if we need an ambulance, Yes. We do. In the back of my head I’m thinking here  we go. I was told that if we  were int his situation that I need to tell the ambulance driver that he is registered to be admitted to U of M. So i’m thinking we are going there. I hang up with her. I’m dealing with a monster. This is not my boy. This is autism. Fricking stupid, insane, ludicrous, unfair and nasty autism is staring me right in the face and challenging me. Nope. You will not win, I attempt again to stop Preston from his rage and destruction.. bad move. He slaps me dead smack on my face. It stings. I hear the girls working sigh in astonishment. Preston literally picks up the popcorn machine and throws it behind the counter. My tears flow snot is dripping uncontrollably from my nose. I wipe it on my clothes. Where is the damn ambulance? Where are the cops. “Fine… I give in autism you nasty bastard”!!! I’m defeated. I’m scared. Finally the cop comes in. He is calm as can be. He says this guy? I say yes. He gets close to him and I say DONT! Hes aggressive he will hit you! Too late. Hes asking me questions and i’m like… control him …P’s destruction starts the officer tries to stop him. P gets aggressive with him and the officer has no choice but to put him to the ground. His knee in P’s chest and gripping his arms with all he has. P is flailing about. The officer has him in lockdown. Once things calmed and P stops moving. He asks me is he ALWAYS liek this.. I just nod. The tears wont stop. Can you imagine seeing your child pinned down by a police officer? My baby. He’s 12. But really according to his educational records he is only about 4 years old. Damn it. This sucks. I tell the officer if he releases him, now that he’s calm he will just lay there that he is afraid. P wasn’t just afraid he was scared to death. I think he had a seizure. He’s looking at me with these eyes. The help me please mama eyes. The officer states he cant because he is afraid he will hit him. I just not in compliance. I can’t argue. He’s doing his job. The ambulance gets there. The officer is like, get a gurney, restraints, and blah blah blah.. this kid is a danger, hes aggressive, strong, and blah blah blah.. i just kind of blank out. A familiar face walks in as i am in trauma block out mode. Its a fellow “autism warrior” …He is a police officer in the area that knows me. He hugs me and I break down. He simply says,” you”re doing the right thing.” Its exactly what I needed. A hug. I haven’t been hugged in so long except for my mom the other day.  I just needed that…. those 5 words, I needed at that exact moment. I take a deep breath, wipe my tears and got my crap together. The paramedics have him restrained. I tell them he needs transport to U of M, the driver says rudely and quickly, ” I’m not transporting to U of M.” I ask why and he says I’m not going to fight him the whole way. I state,  “one he is calm now and two he is restrained”.  ” i’m not doing it lady” he says. Whatever.. I’m too tired and I’m too angry and frustrated. The police are there.. I feel defeated. He is on his way to Hurley. I stay talk to the police for a moment and leave.

So now we are at the hospital. Im not even going into that or that i had to tell a couple of people off. idiots. You ARE NOT TRAINED IN AUTISM! LISTEN TO ME! YOU ARE NOT TRAINED IN AUTISM!!! YOU do your job, Ill do mine! But we need to communicate effectively.. in order to help the situation. UGH! UGH!!!! talk about frustrating. P is agitated at one point and Im lke the sucker! I have the sucker from the bounce house! YAY YAY!!! Success… he is happy and we found cartoons on Nick Jr…Phew.. deep breath…

We get home around 6 or 7 I can’t remember. But What i do remember is finding out that his stay in Ann Arbor is only approved for 2 days. GULP! WHAT?!?! I have heard from other parents its a month stay. No. Approval for 2 days then they go from there… I’ll be “lucky” to get 6 days total. On one hand I’m happy… that is SO easy! I can handle 2-3 days… CAKE! But wait.. isn’t he there to be observed, to be monitored? So that he can get evaluated and we can help him? Umm great. perfect Flipping perfect. So ……He is supposed to be admitted today. Who knows what will happen but while he is in the hospital now, I get to fight for treatment too. I can’t wait. Relax? Get rest? recoup? Nope. Not this mama. I’m in a war… you don’t rest in war. You sleep with your eyes open and get ready for your next move. Carry on.

This song is dedicated to my son:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTg1n95–KE

I Love you Preston Lee.. today now and always.. I will NEVER give up on you… ever, even if it kills me.