“We will not cover residential services that can help your child live a safe, nurturing, and humane life. However, we will hospitalize him to give you and him a much needed “break”. During this time we will induce more trauma, provide emotional distress to you both and after we reach the maximum time that insurance will cover for psychiatric inpatient services we will send him back home and wish you the best of luck”. Sincerely the State of Michigan.
I literally just went to the bathroom and threw up.
I sit hear with tears streaming down my face.
I’m trying to be positive about this.
How positive could you be to see this with your child who doesn’t understand?
It’s hard to remain positive and optimistic. But I’m trying. I’m filled with anxiety over Preston going to the hospital. Forgive me if i seem dramatic, but it feels like when I had to put my cat down. I couldn’t look at my cat knowing that he was going to be out of my life forever.. I know Preston isn’t dying, I know he’s going away temporarily. I know he isn’t dying. Although in all honesty sometimes I think that would be easier. I’ve dealt with death. A quick and sudden loss was easier than this slow torture. The constant ache. It takes its toll. I mean seriously am I admitting it would be easier if my child died? yep. I am. Parents of children with special needs sometimes feel this way. It’s how desperate we are. It’s how hard it is. I can’t look my son in the eyes without crying. Ill be going to the hospital alone. I can’t have my mom going and crying too. It will be hard enough for me to keep it together. Shit.. tomorrow is tax day. I haven’t done those yet. ugh…..”Ain’t nobody got time for that”
I can’t listen to music. I can barely be around other people. My friends kids tear me apart. I yearn for my son to be normal so bad it kills me. It kills me that i will never experience “real” motherhood. I’ll never be a grandma. I’ll never hear “I love you mom”. I swear i feel like a crazy person. Where in the hell did my life go???!!!!! Excuse me while i go throw up again. Enjoy your Sunday.