NO NO NO!!!!

Lets talk about Easter.. How was yours? Well here is how mine went:

On Easter Sunday he ran out of my mom’s house and almost got hit by a car. He was upset and I didn’t know why. (of course we all know that behaviors are a way of communication). My mom lost her patience with him and wanted to hit him. He was kicking, hitting, and scratching us. He did not have a coat or shoes on. We were simply trying to get those on him and trying to redirect him by coaxing him into a walk around the neighborhood or something fun inside the house. It was NOT working and he continued to abuse us both. I left her house with Preston in my car, he calmed down on the drive home.

When we got home and pulled in the driveway he refused to get out of my car. I didn’t care so I sat there but then he started destroying my vehicle. He ruined the backseat of the passenger side by pulling a panel off of the seat. He started kicking the roof. Image I decided he could not stay in the car. I tried to redirect him with a bike ride or swinging in the back yard. This agitated him even more and he jumped out of the car and attacked me. He was hitting me so hard that I couldn’t defend myself, so I ran from him but he chased me. I was scared and shaking and trying to think of what I could do. He was so out of control thrashing about hitting the car and me. I knew he needed to be sedated. But his medications were in my house. I wanted to call the police for help but my cell phone was in the car. I had to get him to stop going after me before I could get my phone from the rear window where he threw it or get his medications inside! I pushed Preston to the ground and ran like a mad woman inside the house for the medication. When I went inside, he was on the ground punching the ground. When I came back out he was attempting to get naked. I struggled to get him to take his medications because when I went near him he was scratching, pinching, hitting, and pulling my hair. He even hit himself in the head a couple of times. I managed to get the sedative in him. Within minutes he calmed down and went into the house. I also gave him a little Benadryl. Within 10 minutes he lay down on the couch and watched a movie and he was calm for the night.

Yesterday he came from behind me and hit me on both my ears. I don’t know why. It’s the next day and I am still in pain. I didn’t sleep well, I am hearing ringing and sounds are muffled. I called my doctor to go in and see her. Their response was to send me to the ER because it was an “assault”. I had to beg them to let me come there, because 1- I don’t want that on his record, nor do I want to go through the ER for questioning by police. 2- I would have to take Preston with me…It’s the last thing I want to do today. They agree to let me come to the office.

That was Easter.

On Friday April 5th, I dropped Preston off to Camp Fowler a recreational camp for children with special needs for a weekend respite program. When I dropped him off I believe he had a seizure in the bed and wet himself. He was with two very big male staff that he had never met and I got him into the shower. He was shaking from a possible combination of being cold, the after effects of the possible seizure, and or he was afraid. The staff assured me he would be okay and my mom and I left. He ran out of the cabin and down to my car that was unlocked. He refused to get out and was crying and extremely agitated and upset. I was torn on whether to leave him at camp or take him home. He attacked me several times and at one point even tried to use a icescraper to hit me. My mother tried to videotape the episode, eventually we left him there and the center said he had a rough night but did okay over the weekend.
On Sunday night when he came home he was extremely hyper and seemed anxious, I was able to redirect him throughout the evening and he went to sleep once medicated with his night meds. However he woke up around 2:30 am and he came into my room full of rage and I woke up to him punching me like a punching bag over and over. I was literally attacked. I was able to “get away” and he ran into the kitchen and he ripped the door off of the refrigerator.Image It was scary and he was full of rage. He kept opening the front door and wanted to go “somewhere” , I believe he wanted cheesy bread, his latest food choice. After a very hard few hours he fell asleep because I gave him benadryl and melatonin. We overslept for school and the bus driver was concerned and called my mother because my front door was open, the garage door was open, and my car doors were open. I’m not exactly sure when this happened, but I must have been asleep and he woke up sometime between around 5:00 and 7:30 naked and went outside without me knowing.
I received a call from our clinical therapist and we are trying to place him at U of M Ann Arbor Child Psych unit. He is out of control with his rage towards me. I also called his previous psychiatrist, in Ann Arbor to get advice from him and he felt although this was probably a good idea it is a temporary “band aid” and he really needs intensive treatment. Of course I know this and my goal is to send him to Great lakes in Portage.
Prior to seeing The Pschiatrist at CMH/GHS, Another U of M was Preston’s Doctor for years. He is a prestigious Doctor in this state for working with children with autism.
He felt that Preston’s behaviors were beyond his capability of helping anymore and said that the CMH Psych was much more informative on dispensing medications. He suggested that we start seeing her instead.
Currently Preston is on the following regime for medications:
Morning: 12.5 ml of valproic acid with 7.5 ml of benadryl
Afternoon: .25mls of Haldol dispensed at school
After school (3:00) .25 mls of haldol
Evening (5:30) 12.5 mls of Valproic acid with 7.5 mls of Benadryl
Bedtime: (8-9:00) 1 ml of Haldol
I received a denial of services for residential treatment for Preston from CMh/GHS and I am mailing the request for hearing today.
Anyways I hope everyone enjoyed their spring break. Its Thursday and i am just able to blog. I couldn’t before because I was too emotional, tired, sore, suffering from PTSD.
I have awesome friends family and fellow bloggers and viewers.. How can you help?
Well if you would like to donate I have some pretty amazing people that have set up some fundraisers here is the link to both:
If you are unable to donate could you take the time to write a letter to Dr. Phil? Feel free to add my blog… feel free to write to whoever you want. Could you share my blog? The fundraising sites? That just takes a moment and that’s helping! 🙂 Thank you!
From what I’m told P will be hospitalized Probably no later than Wednesday of next week. This is a band aid for the situation, but apparently a good move. A good move… as if my son’s emotions, feelings, and life are a chess game. It’s tragic. I’m scared for my child. He doesn’t understand why he is there, he doesn’t understand why I’ll be leaving him. They don’t know that when he says as hard as he can “pp pp” it means he needs to poop or he wants popcorn. As I’m typing tears are streaming down my face. I know we are in danger. I know he has hurt me and will continue to hurt me. I KNOW this is whats second best for him at this time. Everyone can say it until the day I die… but the truth is it doesn’t make it any easier NOW…..I hurt now, he hurts now.. and this is going to hurt really really really bad. I’m alone. As much as my friends/family want to and do support me… I’m alone. It simply sucks. I’m tired of hearing no, he cant get treatment, no he doesn’t qualify for that, no that is not a service that is under the autism legislation, no.. no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! I wonder if things would be different if those who say no had a child with severe autism that beat them and destroyed things, I wonder if things would change if they couldn’t go on vacation, go to dinner, the grocery store, eat, drink, use the bathroom, drive down any road they wanted. I wonder…. I just simply wonder.
I know that MY child is not the states responsibility or my family’s or my friends, or CMH’s… I KNOW that! However, we give help to those who suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, and even killers don’t spend their lives in prison. Not to mention if they do they get the medical treatment that they need. I don’t live off of the state. My son gets medicaid. That’s it. No food stamps, free rent, or cash. I don’t have medicaid, just P. I am a full time student trying my best to make a better life for my family of 2. Not just our lives, but in the future of others lives too. I will dedicate my life to the special needs community. Can I get a flipping break and get a yes??!!!!!????
Thanks for reading, thanks for caring.





11 comments on “NO NO NO!!!!

  1. Meredith says:

    A huge warm fuzzy hug for you. Good luck next week. Just cry and let it cleanse you. I’m glad you are getting a band aid for a little bit of time. I hope they can help for a bit…

    • lisasain says:

      Thanks Meredith
      Unfortunately, the “band aid break” will not be fun. I’m sure ill be there at least every other day. It’s going to be the hardest thing of done to date. Not looking forward to it in the slightest way shape or form! To be honest it’s going to suck… I’m going to be extremely sad & depressed… But thanks I know you just mean I deserve a break, but this is not what I expected. 😦

  2. Jerry says:

    Can you please do a blog where people can ask you questions about autism?

    • lisasain says:

      I’ve thought about it Jerry… I may in the future when I have more time. Thanks fir the suggestion, Is there something I can try to answer for you now?

      • Jerry says:

        What do YOU think causes autism?
        Did it ‘happen’ (for lack of a better term) overnight?
        What do you think of Jenny McCarthy?
        What is the best possible outcome for Preston?
        Do you think Chad’s death may have somehow compounded this?
        How do you get by financially?
        What is going to happen to Preston when you die (hopefully in 50 years)?
        When Chad died, was there anyone to sue?
        Would Preston be any different if Chad had lived?
        What would you have done differently over the past 12 years?

  3. thestatuswoe says:

    Call your local reporters. Have them do a story. God, I’m worried about you!

    • lisasain says:

      I sent out some emails today Kelli… Tomorrow may send some press releases. I’m just worried I’m not going to get treatment for him at all… VERY worried. This roller coaster of ups and downs is crazy…
      I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep…thank you for your concern…I’m trying… You know how it goes…

  4. Tara says:

    Lisa you don’t know me but I have been reading your blog and story from Angie , she is my good friend and hairdresser , I can’t say at all I know how you feel and what you are going through but as mom myself I do know you are doing your best and are a wonderful strong mother. What I am going to do is take your story to twitter if it’s OK with you and share your blog and fundraiser with as many people I can so we can try to reach the right people like Dr.Phil.

  5. Just keep taking the next breath, the next step. It’s the only way forward. I hope they can get his meds sorted out. Behind all that violent behaviour is the boy you clearly love so very much. Hang onto that. Know that you are doing the best you can for him and that your advocacy is so important.
    Jerry – your questions are unbelievably insensitive.

  6. Kimm X Jayne says:

    Thank you for sharing. I’m adding special prayers for ALL parents of autistic children from now on, as I came to your blog through Kelli’s at the status woe. I don’t know much about autism but I thought it was a neurological disease, not mental? is that true or do they co-exist frequently?

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