First and foremost I want to thank you all for reading and supporting. I need to clarify something though.. Nobody has ever judged me by saying I will eventually or possibly sooner versus later put Preston in a residential facility. What I have been judged on and criticized for, is my parenting… Or lack thereof. It makes me doubt myself. However I’m trying to resolve this situation and I’m trying to believe my supporters versus the non supporters. It’s hard sometimes. That’s enough about that.
So today I had a 4 hour appointment at CMH… Holy schmoly… Much was accomplished and some VERY exciting news. My son got new medication. It’s 8:03 and he’s asleep!!! Better yet he was much less aggressive today when he got home from school. We aren’t completely out of the woods and this is temporary. One of the meds prescribed is a medication he was just taken off of. He eats non stop compulsively when he takes it. It’s called Risperdal. He can only be on it for so long before he becomes borderline diabetic, it is no longer effective, and they will take him off of it again. So the “success” is bittersweet. But ill take the break. I can’t wait for him to smile again, to hug me, to kiss me. It’s all I have from him. To not get that and have him hitting & abusing me is a horrible feeling that cannot be described in any blog.
I also have doubted my blog, it feels narcissistic in a way. I hope my reasons for doing it show through and I hope that most people understand. I know not everyone will & I’m completely okay with that. I know it’s hard to read or view. It’s like those damn commercials about abused animals with Sarah McLaughlin singing that God awful song in the background guilting us and bringing instant tears! It’s like you don’t want to see that crap! It’s sad! It hurts! It’s easier to turn the channel, but we know the awful truth; the abuse exists….. And people I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but so does autism. One day your child will work next to a person with autism, your grand kids will care for a whole generation of kids diagnosed in the 90’s with autism. One day a person with autism is going to change the world… Oh wait, thanks Einstein.. Mozart, Picasso, newton, Darall Hannah, robin Williams, Dan Akroyd,etc.
So please don’t turn your head, don’t sweep us under the rug, don’t turn your nose, and don’t blame the parents! We couldn’t prevent this! We didn’t cause this! Just accept us, accept them! “They” are humans, with feelings.
On a final note tonight, I would like to express two things: 1- to my friends and family worried about us/ me. I’m okay, this didn’t happen overnight. Preston has ALWAYS been this challenging but I’m really good at disguising it. I’m really good at managing him…… Most of the time. The difference between now and then is that he’s bigger. His punches cause massive bruises. His pinches bring tears to my eyes, his kicks take my breath away. The objects he chooses to throw are no longer sippy cups and Legos but chairs and tables.
Scary? My gosh yes! Emotionally damaging? Ummm yeah I cry A LOT! Physically a threat? Yep. But I’m working on it and I’m no sissy. I’m Preston’s mom and I’m a warrior. We’re going to get through this come hell or high water. I have God on my side.
The 2nd thing I need to mention is my friends, family and all supports. I cannot thank you enough. I have had friends, acquaintances, & strangers offering words of support and most importantly asking what they can do for help. When you offer support it heals a part of me. It gives me strength. In all honesty there is not a whole heck of a lot you can do for us. Please understand that as much as I appreciate the offers of help whether it’s cleaning, watching p, or getting me drunk (jk), there just isn’t a ton one can do but I deeply appreciate it. I love you all and know that just the supportive words help.
Share my blog. It may help someone you know or don’t know. Tonight I read a blog that was shared by a friend on Facebook. As sad I was to read it, I was elated. Her post talked about the money time and emotion she put into treatments therapies Etc. for her daughter. I have done everything she has & we are in the same position. To know this today gave me a super boost a recharge, a jump start! It’s like I had several orgasms with Johnny depp (don’t ask how I know what that’s like)! It elated me… Just to know that I’m not alone. I’m not a bad mom. So share… Read… You never know how or when it could help someone.
Love, hugs, peace, health, wealth, & happiness.
Tonight ill sleep a little better than I have in a long time. Thanks friends!
Preston’s mom, a boy with severe autism who is trying his best to be happy and well behaved
For your viewing pleasure I am posting a video of a tantrum in the car…remember Sarah McLaughlin!!! 😉 oops guess I’m not! It’s $60 for a year to be able to post ..hold that thought maybe next month lol
However here are a few pics taken over the last week…. We’ll call them ” a glimpse inside the inSain asylum 😉 enjoy…