Another day in paradise

Wow what a night. He was agitated and out of control. I was scared. Not just scared but shaking. He came home from school completely agitated and immediately from the moment he walked in the door a complete autism and cognitively impaired mess. He wasn’t there. This isn’t my child. ( great Sheryl crow is on the TV singing my favorite mistake.. My own song to Preston lol I may start crying) carry on… Okay where was I? Oh yes the wild eyed monster who wasn’t emotionally or neurologically connected was kicking, biting, head butting, pinching, scratching, slapping, and punching me. He threw the following items: the coffee table, two kitchen chairs, a huge sensory chair, the computer (which was just installed yesterday) he threw a picture on the wall it was the last one standing. He threw a coffee mug and it broke all over. He even tried knocking the refrigerator over.
I wanted to hit him. I did. It’s a horrible feeling but it’s also a gut reaction and survival extinct. It’s also wrong. I’m crying I’m shaking and my chest is tight. I’m scared and I’m angry and I miss my husband. Where is my partner? This completely f”ing” sucks. Okay it’s out of hand I’m calling my Cmh worker. She insists we go to hospital.
We did. 6 men to restrain him. 3 doses of very strong medications … The staff was stressed. At one point I screamed to get their attention. They were doing everything wrong the doctor told them to listen to me. Things calmed down once they did. It was awful to see my baby restrained. He looked scared and confused and said please a few times. He even said “ow”.. Of course they hurt him even though it was unintentional.
He’s finally sedated. We are being sent home. Same old story, you’re parent of the year, you’re a great mom, how do you do this? What are you going to do? Is he always like this? He’s so strong! Why does he act like that? You need to figure this out! Have you thought of a group home?
Oh my F***ing goodness!
Yes I have and more. I’ve done it all… Hi everyone this is my human son Preston he can hear you! He is a child! He has AUTISM! Not every child with autism can sing play an instrument paint draw or be gifted in math. Please please think before you open your mouth. Please. Don’t you think we deal enough?
We are home, so far he’s okay and happy. The heavy meds helped him sleep and relax for almost an hour. He loved the ambulance ride. Lol I’m praying he sleeps tonight and does okay I’m school tomorrow. I’m praying the appointment with the psychiatrist goes well & that she can find a drug that works to help stabilize my son. That’s the first appointment, I have another one that is going to be COMPLETELY stressful and emotional. Please God, give me strength. Damn it I need my husband. This sucks. To top it all off.. It’s that time of month… Lord help everyone who comes into my path. I’m a ball of fury.

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19 comments on “Another day in paradise

  1. Chris says:

    I love you and an ehug. I big one.

  2. michele says:

    Oh lisa! My heart just breaks for you.i hope you can find some sort of peace for the both of you very soon.

  3. Kristi says:

    A big huge hug to you!!!!

  4. Tess White says:

    Lisa,

    I can’t say I completely understand what you are going through, but I do understand some. I used to work one on one with an autistic child while in Okinawa. It was the same thing every day. Hitting, kicking, biting, screaming, throwing things. After about 4 months, I couldn’t do it any more. She wasn’t my kid, so I could quit, but this is your child. I can only imagine what it is like every day living in your shoes, knowing this child is a part of you and you can’t give up. Many would, mainly because they just aren’t good parents, or don’t care enough.I applaud you, You do!

    I LOVE YOU!! You have been through a lot, and so far you have been able to survive. I will pray that the doctors find some way of controlling Preston without harming him also. I will also pray for peace for you.

    • lisasain says:

      Thanks Tessie… It means a lot for you to share your story and understanding. I feel so overwhelmed with so much and I have for 11 years. It’s tough and I need help soon because I’ve been burning both ends of the candle for too long! I love you!!! Hope to see you soon! πŸ™‚ thanks for reading and commenting!

  5. Love and prayers coming your way, Lisa.

  6. Gillian says:

    Lisa… I don’t even know what to say… Except if I was there, I’d have a huge hug for you. Hope the paramedics were nice to him, and you. Trust me, we understand.

  7. Leslie DeCaire says:

    no words for that one. 😦

  8. Theresa says:

    You deserve so much more happiness! Lord……help our Lisa Marie please!

  9. Marlowe says:

    Lisa- I’m a friend of Kelli Stapleton. You’re not alone. I wish I had answers or a solution but I don’t. Don’t stop sharing your story, I will share it with everyone. No child or his family deserves to be treated like this by a system that is supposed to help. Together we can make things happen, stay strong.

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