…….funny, Its a childhood nickname that has stuck all these years. I feel like a bee, buzzing about trying my best to prepare, restore, protect, and enhance my child’s future. (mine too) Its exhausting. I had an appt with CMH ( Community Mental Health) it was at 8:00. I was late for the appointment only to find out it was a home visit. Grrr carry on. The appointment lasted until almost 11:30. It was extremely productive and consisted of signing many privacy releases. I have two of the most amazing workers thank God for that. I cried. I cried a lot. My blood pressure teetered on the brink of no pulse to feeling extremely panicked at times. Its scary, talking about placing my son in a facility and trying to come up with a plan that isn’t completely fool proof. The scariest thing is if my plan doesn’t happen. I have to remember that if it doesn’t I did my best. However, I think to myself that accepting no isn’t an option and it WILL work. So I’m hoping that I’m right. If I say it enough maybe Ill believe it and if I believe, maybe it will actually happen. I left the appointment feeling accomplished and satisfied. I have a meeting next week that is pretty serious in regards to Preston. However I’m unable to discuss and yet I really want to. Its a terrible conflicting situation. As much as I want to share I just cannot 😦
I left the appointment and was starving I didn’t have time for breakfast and I haven’t even had a drink of water or gone to the bathroom. I never did clean all of the goo from last night but decided to go to lunch with a friend instead. The goo will wait for me. Go eat, hydrate, breathe, it was a long appointment, I deserve lunch; besides I have a seize the deal burning a hole in my purse 🙂 I sit down waiting for my friend and order a water with lemon… If i’m getting water, I’m about to die of thirst because I hate it! I decide to finally use the bathroom I drank a HUGE coffee and feel the pressure on my bladder. I walk in and my phone rings.
Its the school social worker. I need to get P, he has had a horrific meltdown and its been an hour and a half. I panic. I always knew one day I would get THAT call, I wasn’t ready today. I need to get my baby. What happened is he okay? Are others okay? Did he hurt anyone? Is he hurt? All I know for sure is I need to go get him and fast! I buzz out of the restaurant cancel on my understanding friend who noticed me pulling out. I’m about halfway there and smoke a cigarette and when it sticks to my lip and I almost burn myself I realize I never drank my water, im dehydrated.. when WAS my last drink besides coffee? Crap.. literally.. i’m nervous and now I have to use the bathroom…I forgot I ran out of the restroom without using it!!!! Now its worse I need to go number 1 and number 2.. lol (how old am I??.. seriously I’m a wreck and I think i’m going to shit my pants)!!!
I’m at the school. He is okay, hes calm now. I wait to talk to the psychologist. I explain our “situation”, in my eyes: giving them the courtesy of explaining the situation. In her eyes,”I need to do this, I need to do that. Maybe we can try this and that”. NO. Its too late and we need to do what I know needs to be done. “But”, she says, “No”, I say. This is whats best. She asks if I’ll sign a waiver so she can discuss this with CMH too, yes of course. Then I need to fill out a new med form so he can have benadryl at school to keep him stabilized until his Psychiatrist prescribes another medication. It needs to be faxed. I need to sign another waiver. Yes of course. I need to call CMH to let them know I talked to the school and explain the benadryl/ med form.
I text my mom. Can we come over Ill explain later. But I need to breathe. My head is pounding. I’m thirsty and I have to … you know..
Its well after 1:00. I take a while before I have the energy to tell my mom the day I had. I get something to drink and FINALLY get to use the bathroom. She lets me nap for a bit. I’m a happy bee…Until we get home, but that’s another blog and the goo will wait, this bug is tired. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 😉