busy little bug

Bug……..

…….funny, Its a childhood nickname that has stuck all these years. I feel like a bee, buzzing about trying my best to prepare, restore, protect, and enhance my child’s future. (mine too) Its exhausting. I had an appt with CMH ( Community Mental Health) it was at 8:00. I was late for the appointment only to find out it was a home visit. Grrr carry on. The appointment lasted until almost 11:30. It was extremely productive and consisted of signing many privacy releases. I have two of the most amazing workers thank God for that. I cried. I cried a lot. My blood pressure teetered on the brink of no pulse to feeling extremely panicked at times. Its scary, talking about placing my son in a facility and trying to come up with a plan that isn’t completely fool proof. The scariest thing is if my plan doesn’t happen. I have to remember that if it doesn’t I did my best. However, I think to myself that accepting no isn’t an option and it WILL work. So I’m hoping that I’m right. If I say it enough maybe Ill believe it and if I believe, maybe it will actually happen. I left the appointment feeling accomplished and satisfied. I have a meeting next week that is pretty serious in regards to Preston. However I’m unable to discuss and yet I really want to. Its a terrible conflicting situation. As much as I want to share I just cannot 😦

I left the appointment and was starving I didn’t have time for breakfast and I haven’t even had a drink of water or gone to the bathroom. I never did clean all of the goo from last night but decided to go to lunch with a friend instead. The goo will wait for me. Go eat, hydrate, breathe, it was a long appointment, I deserve lunch; besides I have a  seize the deal burning a hole in my purse 🙂 I sit down waiting for my friend and order a water with lemon… If  i’m getting water, I’m about to die of thirst because I hate it! I decide to finally use the bathroom I drank a HUGE coffee and feel the pressure on my bladder. I walk in and my phone rings.

Its the school social worker. I need to get P, he has had a horrific meltdown and its been an hour and a half. I panic. I always knew one day I would get THAT call, I wasn’t ready today. I need to get my baby. What happened is he okay? Are others okay? Did he hurt anyone? Is he hurt? All I know for sure is I need to go get him and fast! I buzz out of the restaurant cancel on my understanding friend who noticed me pulling out. I’m about halfway there and smoke a cigarette and when it sticks to my lip and I almost burn myself I realize I never drank my water, im dehydrated.. when WAS my last drink besides coffee? Crap.. literally.. i’m nervous and now I have to use the bathroom…I forgot I ran out of the restroom without using it!!!! Now its worse I need to go number 1 and number 2.. lol (how old am I??.. seriously I’m a wreck and I think i’m going to shit my pants)!!!

I’m at the school. He is okay, hes calm now. I wait to talk to the psychologist. I explain our “situation”, in my eyes: giving them the courtesy of explaining the situation. In her eyes,”I need to do this, I need to do that. Maybe we can try this and that”. NO. Its too late and we need to do what I know needs to be done. “But”, she says, “No”, I say. This is whats best. She asks if I’ll sign a waiver so she can discuss this with CMH too, yes of course. Then I need to fill out a new med form so he can have benadryl at school to keep him stabilized until his Psychiatrist prescribes another medication. It needs to be faxed. I need to sign another waiver. Yes of course. I need to call CMH to let them know I talked to the school and explain the benadryl/ med form.

I text my mom. Can  we come over Ill explain later. But I need to breathe. My head is pounding. I’m thirsty and I have to … you know..

Its well after 1:00. I take a while before I have the energy to tell my mom the day I had. I get something to drink and FINALLY get to use the bathroom. She lets me nap for a bit. I’m a happy bee…Until we get home, but that’s another blog and the goo will wait, this bug is tired. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 😉

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4 comments on “busy little bug

  1. Kelly McMahan says:

    Rick and I have been so concerned about you two in the last few months. We both felt you needed to check into placing Preston into a home so you can get some sleep and someone can keep him in the house instead of going for bike rides in the middle of the night. You are making the best decision for both of you. Lisa, you hove 100 percent of our support! If anyone does not support you they would be stupid and need to walk just a few feet in your shoes to know just how amazing you are. We will alway be your cheerleaders in the McMahan household!

    • lisasain says:

      Thanks McMahon family! You have a very special place in my heart & always will! It’s hard making these choices alone but I have been for a long time! I suppose I thought one day I would get used to it, but I don’t. I guess I never will. However, the support & encouragement I get from friends & family is massive and I am truly blessed! Thank you! Much love! P & I!

  2. Lucas says:

    Nighty Night you little lightning bug! You light up this dismal world with your strength and commitment. Your new endevor will bring hope to others who are having trouble seeing the light, and no matter what you do…and it will be troublingat first for both of you, but he will thrive learning to be a big boy with responsibilities and life skills that will make him better able to cope with life, as well as teaching him that the world does NOT revolve around him…well at least all the time..it is good for the both of you! LOVE YOU Wake up with a smile and know you are doing a great service to humanity by sharing real stories about real people!

  3. indi martin says:

    Hi Lisa. I’m a friend of Shawn Moore’s. We went to school together. My heart goes out to you. I have 3 kids and my middle son is autistic. I know how life altering it is to live with and I have friends and family who live it too. You’re not alone, although I know when episodes happen it sure feels that way! Sometimes I would get angry at God and really be jealous of others and their seemingly so simple lives….but as hard as it is, unbearable at times, we must remember that even tho we are walking the hard road that the reward will be so much greater in the end. It just feels like pain now but it will become something beautiful in it’s own right. I have learned so much and grown so much since I had my son. My eyes would never had seen what God wanted me to see otherwise. Yes there are times when I couldn’t pick one foot up and place it in front of the other. Those were the times He carried me.
    I’m not much of a reader but a friend of mine gave me a book called “Dancing With Max” by Emily Collson (not sure the spelling of last name) its a book from a woman who’s husband left her to raise their severly autistic son by herself and it follows up to him being a teenager. There was so much comfort in being able to relate to many of their struggles. I laughed, I cried bitter tears and I felt God touch my heart thru this book. I highly recommend it. To those w autistic kids or those who need help understanding.
    God bless you! You’ll be in my prayers. ❤

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